I managed to stress myself out today…

I had been doing really good thru-out everything the last few months, from going to Jail to cancelling my wedding, to getting my life back in order, to finding out how much I owed the IRS for the money I didn’t take home last year…

But then today I found out my home loan wasn’t finished yet, the bank wanted MORE paperwork (I’ve faxed them almost a hundred pages of crap now, from tax forms to bank statements, etc etc), and I started to doubt that it would happen. Then I started thinking about closing on the house and how the owners want to close by next Tuesday and basically my mind went down a serious rathole, filled with doubts and worry. This led to stress which led to me making myself physically sick (heartburn type symptoms, you know what I’m talking about).

I finally had to leave the office and take a cruise to cool off a bit (take my mind off of things) and about 10 minutes into the ride I suddenly realized how stupid I was being! I’ve been redeemed, none of this matters at all, its all in God’s hands anyways. It took me an hour and a half to get my mind straight again, put my trust in Him, and get myself straightened out. I have nothing to worry about, the only real thing that matters is Christ died on the cross for me (for every sinner) and I’ve decided to accept His gift and live my life for Him and not myself.

So then I started thinking about how often I used to be stressed (used to be an awful lot) and I came to the conclusion that being stressed is caused by sin… The title of this post isn’t quite clear, because stress itself is not a sin (IMHO), but what leads to it is. When I doubt God, when I try and control things on my own, and bear the burden of responsibility by myself rather than taking up my cross, denying my old self, and acting out my salvation, then I am sinning. God is in the details, I just need to be moving so He can direct me. I’m really a lot better off now than I ever was, because spiritually and physically I used to be just sitting around all the time, and how is God supposed to direct you if you aren’t all ready moving!?

Moral of the story? Not having stress will be a constant struggle, for the rest of my life. I like being in control! But I know from personal experience, from acting out what Jesus asks of us in Matthew 11:28-29 that everything will be all right…

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”